On Armageddon

Have you seen it yet? It's all over the 24-hour news channels and morning news shows. Folks, hold on to your hats, we may be staring down the barrell of Armageddon.

Armageddon is a hill top where a couple major battles have been fought and, according to Revelation 16:16, the final battle between Christ and the Anti-Christ will be fought. Marks of the Beast, Tribulations, and Raptures are on their way. For those who don't know:

Revelation is the last book of the official Christian Bible. Its author, John, had been exciled to a remote island. It's pretty well accepted that at some point during this time on the island John had a vivid fever dream. This dream, as written down in the Book of Revelation, is a masterpiece of prophecy, codes, number theory, and frightening imagery. Seven scrolls, Seven cups, the mark of the beast (which may not be "666" at all), four horsemen, 7 years of tribulation, 1000 year reign of Christ in New Jerusalem, dogs and cats sleeping together (sorry, that last is Bill Murray from Ghostbusters).

Anyway, I have absolutely no problem with the Book of Revelation. I do have a problem, however, with literalists with no sense of context or perspective.

Stick with me, here. The Jews had known only Roman occupation for a couple hundred years. Like their time in Egypt and the wilderness before, they were homeless and down-trodden. Among the many Messiahs that showed up to shine some light was Jesus. Jesus spent his time healing the sick and turning water into wine. As word spread that he had some miracle cred, lots of Jews began to believe that he might be a genuine Saviour (as in, get us the hell away from these Romans!). Suddenly, Jesus upped the ante. Instead of a kingdom for Jews he started talking about the kingdom of God and heaven. And as if that weren't enough, he started inviting Gentiles (non-Jews) along for the ride. After his death, thousands of Jews and Gentiles were left with only the memory of the man while the world around them still sucked ass (so to speak). Followers were being torured, thrown to lions, crucified, and burned alive. They weren't worrying about their mortgages or what school to send Timmy to. They were fearful for their lives. As the decades rolled on, Paul tried to keep the congregations of believers in all the major cities hopeful. He sent letters to Christians in Corinth, Athens, Thessalonica, etc. It was during this time that John had his fever dream. By using imagery that all these people knew very well from the prophets they'd read all their lives (like Isaiah, Daniel, and Ezekiel), John conjured scenes of hell on earth before depicting heaven on earth. In other words, this apocalypse was not real. It was a study of extreme frustration and extreme hope meant to rally the believers. If someone had told John that 2000 years later literalists would actually be looking up for a glimpse of horsemen or protecting Israel's statehood at any cost just so his prophecy could be fulfilled, he'd have probably fainted (actually, it probably would have been enough to suggest that Israel actually had its own state).

There is no Anti-Christ or Beast. There is no mark. There are no scrolls and no cups. Those earthquakes John talked about? They've been going on steadily for the last couple of milennia. The "wars and rumors of wars"? Well, a common name for World War I at the time was actually Armageddon.

Go ahead, prepare for the end times. But have a little perspective. Heck, it was Jesus himself who said, "no man knows the day or the hour." Jesus' point was not to have a bunch of sheep bleating frightfully while literally waiting to be swept off of their feet (if you don't know anything about the Rapture, go look it up). He was trying to provide hope to a suffering people. He was trying to promote kindness, generosity, and humanity (yes, he really was the ultimate humanist).

And if I hear Falwell or Buchanan vie for Israel's rights one more time I'm gonna scream. Over 1,000 Lebaneze civillians are dead! The Second Coming is simply not a good enough reason to let this continue.