On Children

I can't deny it: I was once a child! Yes, my parents like millions of other couples decided to take on the onus of bearing and raising a child. I get it. I know that if they hadn't, I wouldn't be.

Now ...

There are many reasons to decide to have a child - some good, some not so good.

- There's the added tax benefit (not so good - the savings is offset by the costs of diapers, chocolate milk, car keys, and college).
- There's the joy they can bring (good - joy is always good).
- There's saving a marriage (not so good - what an incredible burden for that poor kid).
- There's leaving a legacy (in my opinion, not so good - I just don't get it).
- There's giving a child a sibling (good - two MUST be easier than one).
- There's finding out what he/she would look like (not so good - who cares?).
- There's fulfilling God's commandment to be fruitful and multiply (not so good - mission accomplished, folks; Christianiy is one of the top two in sheer numbers).
- There's natural law (not so good - just 'cause we can...).

There are others, I'm sure. For me, not one of these reasons interests me. I'm 33 and I still just don't care.

There are many reasons not to have a child - some good, some not so good.

- There's the cost (not so good - most parents find a way to make the finances work).
- There's the messiness and smell (good - and, yes, this is a legitimate, honest-to-god reason).
- There's the responsibility (good - way too many people don't consider the responsibility they're undertaking).
- There's the loss of personal time and freedom (not so good - every parent I've ever spoken to has said that they don't mind giving up some selfishness).
- There's the consideration of population (good - we really do seem to be over-populated).

There are others, I'm sure.

So, why don't I want to have a child?

I've pretty much known all of my life that I don't want to be a father. When I was younger, it was easier for my family to figure that my mind would change. As I've gotten older, though, I think they've begun to see that my mind isn't changing. I think they're concerned that I may be being stubborn - that I'm not open to the possibility. In a way, they're right. I constantly re-decide not to have children.

As I talk to others, read, or watch movies and TV, I've noticed that many people, at some point, have a bit of a "eureka moment". You know, Saul's walking down the road and sees a bright light in the sky and God tells him to change his name. It's that moment when they realize that they want to take another (NOT necessarily the next) step on the road of the human condition. That's great - more power to 'em ... but I still don't want kids.

The reasons are many and varied and, like those listed above, some are good and some are not so good. The biggest reason I don't want kids is because I want to continue to be selfish. I want to wake up late in the mornings. I want to spend my extra money on a DVD or a computer game. I want to be able to take a two month job in another state. I want to be able to leave my city and move to another for no really good reason. Also, and this is a big one, too, I don't want the responsibility. The thought of constantly looking out for the safety and well-being of a child is incredibly overwhelming. Sure, I'd be able to. Amanda and I would certainly rise to the challenge. Nonetheless, I choose not to open myself up to those worries and responsibilities. A related reason is money. I make the choice to work in theater and music. These are not industries that provide big wages. At some point, I'd have to give up my livelihood for the good of my family. Also related, I'd have to turn down many out of town jobs and multi-houred projects.

Then there are the social issues. Largest among these is my belief that there are lots of people who have kids who probably shouldn't. There's the obvious teen girls. These poor things get roped into a lifetime of responsibility while hanging their hope chest of dreams on some warty and horny 16-year-old boy. There are couples who don't love each other and have kids to try to make things better. This I can't even imagine. Who in their right mind would think that adding such a large responsibility and such pressure would actually make things better? World population needs are only met by massively industrial agriculture and intense social injustices.

There's more - so much more - that I have to say, but I'm having trouble putting it all together cogently. To pare it down to the basics: I don't want a kid. I never have. Others do and that's great. My mother has said once or twice that when I'm old I may regret this decision - and she's probably right - I've never been good at looking beyond my nose, as she'd say.

So, that's what I have for you. Take it for whatever it may be worth.